6/11/02 show

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"Congratulations on another excellent show!
People were stopping me on the street telling me how great it was."
—Martin Rapalski, Owner, The Make Out Room, San Francisco

San Francisco Chronicle, Thursday, April 11, 2002
Feeling down? S.F. burlesque is over the top
By Laurel Wellman

I'd just been caught in a sudden shower on Haight Street after work Tuesday when a guy selling green bud broke off his sales pitch. "Smile, you'll look better," he said.

What? Is there a comeback to remarks like these? How about, "Bathe, you'll look better?" I mean, some grubby petty criminal, some feckless -- and no doubt unpros ecuted! --sidewalk dope dealer is telling me how I can improve myself? Screw that!

Yes, it's a quality oflife issue, all right, though it's also true there's nothing like a drizzly and dismal spring evening --sodden trash in the gutters and commuters caroming heedlessly homeward -- to put you at odds with the world. Luckily, I had plans: to see San Francisco's premiere burlesque extravaganza. The Cantankerous Lollies! The Go Going Gone Girls! Molotov the Sword Swallower! Felicity the Spanish Spitfire! And, last but not least, San Francisco's Famous Burlesque Orchestra, featuring Kitten on the Keys!

Under the mirror ball and within the smoky blue walls of the Mission's Make- Out Room, almost everyone seemed to be smiling. Maybe it was the magic of -- well, show business. "This is burlesque the way it was," explained Mad V. Dog, the show's emcee, who was wearing a top hat and a silver-trimmed tux, and whose cheek and shirt front sported fresh lipstick marks. "You might mention I am San Francisco's favo rite emcee," he added.

How do you measure something like that?

"I say it."

In fact, one of the nice things about burlesque is that, in a world in which the redemptive power of celebrity is conferred by fiat on a select few -- sort of like knighthood, only more so -- burlesque performers are allowed to dub themselves "favorite," or "lovely," or even "famous," just because they feel like it.

Thus, San Francisco's Famous Burlesque Orchestra will be performing on the 20th in L.A.'s Palace Theatre at a benefit for the Exotic World Burlesque Museum, alongside such stars as Dita von Teese, Kitten DeVille and Miss Exotic World 2001,Sacramento's own Cherry Malone.

Exotic World? Well, that's a whole other explanation: The Exotic World Burlesque Museum, in the desert off I-15 in Helendale, is run by the legendary Dixie Evans -- known, in the '50s, as the Marilyn Monroe of Burlesque. Whil e its facilities are in need of repair, it's a repository of treasures-- Sally Rand's shoes, the pasties and G-strings of the famous, from Lili St. Cyr to Bettie Page. "It's amazing," said Mad Dog. "It's like a David Lynch movie."

The orchestra, too -- saxophones, trombone, horn, guitar, bass, drums, bongos and keyboard -- was amazing, accompanying singer Suzanne "Kitten on the Keys" Ramsey as the Cantankerous Lollies, in black velvet hats, black bustiers and satin slips, stripped off first the bustiers -- revealing black lace bras - - and then the slips, revealing matching briefs and seamed nylons, to appreciative whoops from the crowd.

Mad Dog claimed to have been hit hard by Milton Berle's death: "For the last five years he had been listing me as a dependent on his taxes." Rim shot. "Of course, when I heard the news, all I could think was, 'One step closer to the top.' " Another rim shot, cheers, groans.

Then there's Muni: "You know those new billboards --Com-Muni-ty? The other day I asked my bus driver for a transfer. He said, 'Just tell the next bus driver Joe sent you.' "

The Go Going Gone Girls, in marabou and nylon peignoirs, performed "Give Him a Great Big Kiss," as a stripper named Rocky removed his shirt and unzipped his leather pants.

More cheering, and Mad Dog reappeared, this time wearing a Fujieda baseball shirt. "I love baseball," he told the crowd. "My favorite baseball movie is the one about the support group for flashers -- 'Eight Men Out.' "

Then, sitting in a purportedly electrified chair, Felicity the Spanish Spitfire lit torches and illuminated fluorescent tubes with her breasts. Then there was a bump-and-grind contest, and then there was a grand finale involving the Lollies, the Go Going Gone Girls and a man in a gorilla suit, and --unbelievably -- they'll be doing it all again next month, May 7th at the Make-Out Room.

It was past midni ght and I was starving; I stopped at Mel's for a burger and fries. Fabulous Mel's! Home of the World Famous Repetitive Jukebox!

Sometimes, it's just how you look at things.

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